Throughout the teenage years, your child will confront many difficult situations. Each time, choosing to make a safe and healthy decision may not be the easiest – or most obvious – thing to do.

Peer pressure may factor heavily into the decision-making process regarding drinking alcohol at parties, trying drugs, having sexual relationships, joining gangs and more.

Protecting your teen from potentially harmful situations will always be an intense urge that often cannot be realistically fulfilled. As your child grows, parenting becomes less about control and more about offering guidance. Support your teen in making responsible decisions by providing a solid foundation built upon sharing your time, experience, values, trust and love.

Quick Facts

• It’s normal for teens to challenge their parents’ values, beliefs and practices as a way to test parents and assert independence.
• Teens still need support and guidance from their parents to make important decisions about their future.
• The more controlling parents are, the more rebellious teens are likely to become.

How to Talk with Your Teen

Whenever your teen wants to talk about a decision, make the most out of the opportunity! Your approach to any discussion significantly impacts whether or not your teen feels comfortable coming to talk to you in the future. Convey that you want to help but that you won’t try to control the situation by making the decision for them.

Allow your teen to describe the problem or situation in their own words.

• Ask how your teen feels about the problem.
• Ask questions that avoid “yes” or “no” responses. Open-ended questions usually begin with “how,” “why” or “what.”
• Really listen to what your teen is saying instead of thinking about your responses.
• Try to put yourself in your teen’s shoes to understand their thoughts.

Talk with your teen about choices.

• Teens sometimes believe they don’t have any choice in the outcome of difficult situations. Help your teen to see alternatives that may be smarter, more responsible options.
• Define what constitutes a safe or smart choice. Help your teen understand that their health is often the most important factor in making a decision.

Help your teen to identify and compare the possible consequences of all available choices.

• How will the results affect your teen’s goals? For example, how would smoking affect playing on the soccer team?
• Explain (without lecturing) the consequences of different choices.

Allow your teen to make a decision and carry it out.

• Ask if your teen has a plan.
• Remember, your teen may make different choices than you would prefer.

Later, ask your teen how things worked out.

• What did they learn from the decision? Allow your teen to live and learn from mistakes.
• Praise your teen when they make a good choice.

Respect Your Teen

Teenagers with high self-esteem and self-respect are more likely to make responsible health choices. Here’s how to help your teen build these characteristics:

• Encourage and listen to their personal opinions and feelings.
• Involve them in decisions that affect the entire family.
• Help them set realistic goals, and show faith in their ability to reach those goals.
• Communicate and give your unconditional love and support, even when your teen makes mistakes.
• Be open and understanding whenever your teen needs to talk. To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish them for being honest.

Reviewed by: Daniela Vargas, R.N.

Last reviewed: October 2019