Talk and Set Boundaries

• First and foremost, talk to your child about responsible phone and internet use. Keep conversations open and positive so they’ll feel safe coming to you if they have any questions or concerns. Have multiple conversations over time about safe digital practices as your child’s interests develop and change.
• Have clear rules, ones that you and your child agree to uphold. Let your young children know that you’ll be monitoring their internet use. Create a safety plan for your children when faced with inappropriate content.
• Set up a virtual private network (VPN) to protect the whole family’s privacy. This can also help prevent predators or strangers from knowing your child’s geographical location.
• Install a firewall for more security protection and to possibly block out unauthorized or unsolicited connections or popups.
• Block sites that you don’t want your child to accidently access, such as sites with “adult only” content. To do this, use a plugin or manually block out specific sites or content.
• Know who your child is communicating with when they’re online. It’s safest when the people they hang out with in person are the same people they interact with digitally.
• Set a time limit for how long your child can be on the internet or any other digital platform.
• Agree to what your child can look up and/or research on the internet. For example, what types of videos they can watch on YouTube? Who can they email and who can they talk to on other social media sites?

It’s important for your child to know that you’re trying to protect them, not spy on them, and that working as a united team can help identify any possible issues before true problems arise.

When age appropriate, you’ll also want to discuss with your child:

• Trolling – Intentionally trying to upset people online.
• Cyberbullying – Online bullying and harassment.
• Sexting – Sending sexually explicit messages or photos to someone else.

Model Healthy Digital Habits

Be aware of how often you use your phone or other technology, especially around your children. About 26 percent of American adults now report they are online “almost constantly.” If children see you checking emails during family meals, texting while driving and glued to your screen at all hours, they may view that as appropriate technology use. Overuse of digital media is associated with obesity, decreased school achievement and attention deficit or hyperactivity in school-aged children.

Try these family rules to develop healthy digital-use habits:

• Limit screen access. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that no child younger than 2 years old have access to a screen (which is linked to learning delays). Face-to-face conversation is the most important tool for language development.
• Limit screen use for preschool children to less than 30 minutes per day, including educational games. The AAP stresses that there isn’t enough research to conclude that games for children younger than 2 are truly educational.
• Establish “no-screen” zones in children’s bedrooms, especially before bedtime. This means no computers, phones, televisions or tablets. Get in the habit of turning screens off an hour before bedtime.
• Set up a central area away from bedrooms for charging devices.
• Make all meals “media-free.”
• Provide alternative activities to digital media use. Encourage art projects, reading and physical activity.
• Track your family’s media habits and create a Family Media Plan to help you reach your usage goals.

Teach Privacy

The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, gives parents the right to control the personal information that companies, including apps, collect online from children younger than 13. The act requires sites and services to notify parents directly and get their approval before they collect, use or disclose a child’s personal information.

• Talk to your child about keeping their information private. Tell them not to give out any personal information (where they live, where they go to school, telephone number, social security number, email address, etc.) to people they don’t know.
• Encourage your child to create strong passwords for all of their personal accounts.
• Never let your child meet someone they’ve never met before unless a parent or relative goes along and they meet in a public place.
• Tell children not to click on a web link or site unless they know for sure it’s a legitimate one. Clicking an unknown link could spread a virus to their device(s).
• As children grow and gain more allowances on social media and the internet, continue to encourage them keep their privacy settings at the highest possible level.

Cellphones

Cellphones are powerful, portable tools. Your child’s maturity and responsibility levels will guide when they may be ready for a cellphone. Then consider these initial steps to ensure their safety:

• Set up a password with them.
• Enter important contacts for easy access during an emergency, and teach children how to use their phone in emergencies. Some people, both children and adults, program their emergency contact as “ICE” (in case of emergency).
• Consider installing a health app that allows the phone number of an emergency contact person and other important health information to be accessed on a locked phone. Keep information to a minimum to avoid privacy violations if the phone ends up in the wrong hands. Many people find that the potential benefits outweigh the risks.
• Create a family agreement for phone use. Topics may include adhering to data use limits, using appropriate apps, downloading safe media and creating online accounts.
• Prohibit phone use while driving at all times (even hands-free is distracting). Encourage placing the phone where it’s reachable in an emergency, but far enough away to prevent texting.
• Stress the importance of kindness and restraint when texting and sharing on social media.
• Encourage balance and time management when using a cellphone.
• Be a good role model for cellphone use.

In addition to these suggestions, you can install safety apps on an iPhone or Android phone, while giving your child more independence:

• Circle of 6 – This free app enables the user to get help in dangerous situations. After choosing six contacts to be in your circle, you can easily and discreetly ask them to call or chat with you and can even provide them with your GPS coordinates so they can come pick you up or call for help.
• Kinetic Global – This app, when in alarm mode, emits a sound that can be heard for miles. You have the option to put the app on a timer to check in after a designated period or to activate if you move your finger away from the screen while walking. If you aren’t able to enter your disarm code, the authorities will be alerted and your alarm will be activated.

Social Media

Online social networks can help children express their creativity and individuality. When used inappropriately, however, social media can harm a child’s social and emotional development.

To properly teach your children about the online social world, educate yourself first. Familiarize yourself with internet and texting shorthand. If you search for “internet shorthand,” you’ll find plenty of articles about current abbreviations and acronyms.

Ask your children about the latest websites or apps and explore them together. If your child is comfortable, “friend” or “follow” them so you can be positively involved in their online lives while supporting their creativity. Agree that they will ask permission to share photos of other people, including your family.

Teach children about their lasting digital footprint and the impact it could have on future school or career goals. Media shared on the internet is impossible to completely erase.

Cyberbullying

The speed and anonymity of instant messaging, combined with youth who are still learning how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, makes online bullying easy. This unfortunate reality poses a threat to any child’s emotional well-being. Some acts are blatantly cruel, such as sharing embarrassing or inappropriate photos online. Impersonating someone’s identity and sending an unkind text or tweet can also be hurtful.

When talking with your children about how to respond to cyberbullying, teach them these simple steps:

• Tell a trusted adult, such as a family member, teacher or guidance counselor, when you’re the target or if you witness any kind of bullying or shaming. (Reinforce that telling someone isn’t tattling, but asking for help.)
• Don’t fight back or retaliate online or in person.
• Screenshot the message or email.
• Report or flag the user if it feels safe to do so.

Explain to children that cyberbullying is taken very seriously by school and law enforcement. Online actions and digital presence matter.

Use these sites to learn more about cyberbullying:

• Learn how to recognize cyberbullying.
• View resources, including presentations for educators, parents and teens.
• Watch videos related to bullying.

Some online tools help children identify their own hurtful speech, which can prevent cyberbullying before it happens:

• Reword – This tool identifies potentially harmful wording as it’s written and encourages better judgment.
• Rethink – This app prompts the user to stop and think about whether something they’re posting contains potentially harmful media or statements.

Online tools for safety and privacy include:

• Common Sense Media – Videos, research and other tools for self-education about online privacy and safety.
• iKeepSafe – Tools for parents and kids, such as Faux Paw Internet use games.
• On Guard Online – Online security tips and resources.
• Connect Safely – Internet safety advocacy with useful resources for parents.

Browsing Controls

Browsing controls can protect young children from harmful content. Some browsing control apps are effective even when away from home.

Internet controls are not a replacement for conversation and productive engagement with your child. It’s important to be straightforward with children about using these tools. Using monitoring tools without your child’s knowledge can do serious damage to your relationship when discovered, and would likely be seen as a betrayal by your child.

Types of browsing control tools include:

• Time Limit – Sets the time of day or limit the number of hours a day that a device can access the internet.
• Filtering and Blocking Controls – Limits the ability to view profanity, certain images or even certain sites. Depending on the app, either you can choose or the app will automatically set what to filter or block.
• Outgoing Content Blocker – Works in emails and messaging to prevent sharing personal information over the internet.
• Monitoring Tool – Doesn’t block access to certain sites, images or topics, but records sites visited and gives warnings before accessing a potentially harmful site.

Free apps and websites to control or limit internet use include:

• Avast Family Space
• Kidlogger
• Qustodio
• Spyrix Keylogger

For-sale control apps and websites include:

• ESET Parental Control 
• Funamo 
• Kids Place 
• Lock2Learn
• Mobicip 
• Mspy
• My Mobile Watchdog
• SecureTeen
• Screen Time

More Resources:

• My Digital TAT2
• Connect Safely
• Stay Safe Online
• Google Safety Center

Reviewed by: Nancy Brown, Ph.D.

Last Reviewed: December 2019

DISCLAIMER: PAMF does not endorse or recommend any of the apps or tools in this article. This information is meant to inform parents and children of publicly available applications and software. The applications and software may have been updated or changed since the time of publication.